Dating in your twenties – and any age really – can be difficult. You’re at the point where relationships are no longer ways to past the time and have set expiration dates (like graduation, moving etc.) But you’re also not fully ready to jump into the whole marriage thing. You tow the line of responsible and irresponsible dating, where you like the casual hook up, but want something a little more serious. However, it is this limbo and inherent need that we feel as 20-somethings to be in a serious relationship that ultimately leads to us dating people who are wrong for us. Sometimes we’re smart and get out quickly and sometimes time works against us and we stay in because we’ve already stayed for a certain amount of time.
These relationships aren’t healthy. We lose confidence in ourselves, become jaded and bitter and quickly forget what an actual quality relationship looks like. It’s important to take a step back from time to time and assess what’s happening in your relationship. Are you happy? Are they happy? Am I dating the wrong person?
See some of the signs below to determine if you should consider moving on.
From your side of things
Do you find yourself getting annoyed over the smallest little things they do that didn’t bother you before? This is usually a sign that you’ve already started to check out and are subconsciously trying to start a fight or find reasons to leave.
Are you dating your partner out of convenience – i.e. are they there to fill a void, you want to continuously get laid, you don’t want to be alone, they provide a certain skill that’s beneficial to you, etc. We date people out of convenience because it’s easy for us, not because want to be with them and by doing this, you are not doing them or yourself any favors. Give up the convenience and deal with what’s actually staring you in the face, like why you’re afraid to be alone or have this void to begin with.
Is the sex bad? Bad sex isn’t necessarily indicative of a doomed relationship, but it can be the path to one or can be if mixed with other problems. However, it might be time to roll if you find that your partner is selfish, unwilling to take your needs seriously and doesn’t care if you get yours or not. You’ll know this is the case if you end up frustrated after every time you have sex or if you wind up leaning upon your Adam & Eve toys to do the job.
They probably aren’t worth your time if you don’t get excited about hanging out with them and avoid situations where the two of you are alone. Partners should be able to and want to spend time with each other. You should consider moving on if you’re consciously thinking about ways you can avoid seeing them.
From their side of things
Think about ditching the beau if they are constantly trying to change you. Sure, there are some facets in each relationship and person that you would like to change, but as a whole you shouldn’t be trying to change the person you are with and vice versa. Be with someone who loves you for you.
Things might not be going too well if they aren’t interested in introducing you to friends and family. This is usually a sign that they want to keep you a little secretive and that you’re not someone who they see much of a future with.
Run from them if they don’t respect you, your choices or your opinions. Partners will always different on certain things, but you should still be able to respect each other and treat each other well. This person is selfish and never bend on what they think to accommodate your reasoning or needs.
Along the same line, you should get rid of the partner who doesn’t respect your time. It’s not fair if they only want to hang out with it’s convenient for them. Express your issue with this mentality and see if they are willing to hang out more when you want to. They’re not worth your time if they won’t change.
Finally, you’re probably dating the wrong person if you have to ask yourself “am I dating the wrong person” or if either of you are cheating on each other. Don’t make the mistake of staying in too long, getting in too deep and worse marrying this person. Recognize the flaws and make the best decision for yourself.