Three Simple Dating Rules for Women
I know you don’t know me from Adam. I will say, however, that I know a thing or two about dating, though. I dated (online and offline) for over five years. That translated to WAY more first dates than I’d care to remember. But you know what? I learned a lot along the way and I hope to pass some of what I learned on to you.
Let’s face it, few people really enjoy dating. It’s really more of a means to and end, right? Or at least it should be. Few of us enjoy it but many choose to participate despite the stories of angst and drama told (and experienced) by many. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a list of Dating Rules that universally applies to everyone because everyone’s idea of what to do and what not to do can differ greatly.
Sad faces, I know. The good news? I m going to take a stab at my list anyway. Yay!
I would argue there is a certain set of principles that most adults abide to in their daily life that should be applied to dating as well. Am I right? What, ultimately, is the downfall of the concept of dating rules? There’s no practical way to enforce a set of dating rules even if we could get everyone to commit to them. So, instead let’s make a list of …ahem… dating guidelines instead. How very United Nations of us, right?
This list makes a few key assumptions. Generally speaking, you are:
- a lady approximately age 30 or over,
- relatively intelligent and educated,
- seeking a long-term relationship as the goal,
- and, most importantly, mentally stable.
What I m trying to say is that these rules for dating only apply to a certain sub-set of daters. Those seeking only to hook up (whether they are honest about it or not) wouldn’t subscribe to these rules or guidelines, rather. Spouses cheating on their husbands and wives wouldn’t follow these rules either. These rules are for normal daters. “Fringe” daters have their own set of rules entirely, or none at all in most cases.
For the Ladies
Rules are usually dreamt up to prevent something bad from happening. In the case of women, these rules come out of the stories and my own personal experiences in dating. If you haven t noticed already, history tends to repeat itself, especially in dating. Have you ever felt like you keep dating the same person over and over despite them being new dates? That s history repeating itself and has as much to do about how you choose men as it does the men themselves. Customizing rules for yourself is very simple and tends to come only with experience. Notice your own patterns and adapt your rules to the negative behaviors and experiences you witness. Dating rules are not a one-size-fits-all sort of thing, so please take the below list in stride.
Rule Number 1: Putting Out
If given the opportunity, men can and will be pigs. If you’ve been dating a while you know this to be fact. If you’re new to dating you’ll come to learn this if you give men the opportunity. Ladies, it has to be said. Don’t put out on the first date. In fact, don’t put out on the second, third or fourth dates either – unless your dates are only once a month with copious amounts of deep conversations in between. Wait a minute that sounds like a long distance relationship. There is a whole other set of rules for that. All too many women make the relationship-ending mistake of giving it up way too soon. I know, I can t believe I said that either, but it s true. I understand that you feel that attraction and the perceived connection you feel may be very strong. But never should you confuse lust for love, a nice evening for chemistry or sex for commitment. Not when men are involved anyway. Men can have sex without love, commitment or any real chemistry to speak of. That doesn t mean that all sex for men is devoid of feeling or meaning, just remember that it can be.
Rule Number 2: Those Three Words*
Dating, and especially online dating, can be quite the whirlwind experience. You meet someone new and have a great time on your first date. You plan date number two and have an amazing time once again. You start to feel that you may have finally come to the end of your dating road. It can be easy to get caught up in the dating moment and experience feelings and emotions that you may not have felt in a while. What a rush! How many times have the first few dates started one way only to be abruptly ended by one pivotal dating moment? It happened quite often in my own personal experience and I m sure many would agree. Caution to the wise dater – there is no substitute for the passage of time when getting to know someone. Allow yourself time to truly get to know your match before you say those three words . Once you say them, you can t ever take them back nor can you backtrack the progression of your own feelings and emotions. Hold out for something real over jumping into something with only a short-term payout.
Controlling one’s emotions is easier said than done. I get that. We can t help who we love or when we start to feel those feelings. I m not asking anyone to control the emotions. That s likely impossible. What I am requesting in this rule is that some caution be exercised in communicating those emotions, acting on those emotions and moving forward more quickly than necessary with the relationship because of those emotions. Pace yourself. If love is what you feel it won t go away after a few weeks or months. Love is patient and you can’t rush a good thing.
Rule Number 3: Making the First Move
This is a tough rule to sell to a lot of women, especially those that may subscribe to the traditional roles that men and women play. The man initiates contact, the woman plays hard-to-get and they both live happily ever after. Well, it doesn t always work quite that way. So why not take some initiative every now and then and make the first move? What s the worst that could happen? You could get turned down, of course. Men take that risk every single day. I see no problem in sharing that responsibility to some extent. However, tread lightly when making the first move. Many men still hold the traditional values that a man should initiate so a woman initiating contact or, more importantly, doing the pursuit may appear to be overly aggressive or even desperate. There is a fine line. Say Hi to that handsome gentleman you ve had your eye on but be sure to let him do his fair share of the chasing as well!
My three rules may seem overly simplistic at first glance but if you can stay true to them during your dating experiences they will serve you well. Be sure to check out the next part in the series, Dating Rules for Gentlemen.