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Dear Son: Building Integrity in a Selfie Generation

July 31, 2016 By Daniel Ruyter

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Some advice on growing up in a selfie generation, making good choices and building your personal integrity on your way to defining the men you’ll become.

Dear Sons,

I don’t like my letters to you to sound preachy. I was a young boy once and I know how well received, “You have to do it this way” messages are with by boys. Not very well, to say the least. Your generation has been called the “selfie generation” in numerous publications. Without sounding old and crochety, I think the label holds some truth to it. One of my jobs as a dad is to guide you in the right direction in life and part of that direction involves you figuring out who you are and having a strong sense of self.

A photo posted by Patrycja Ciereszko (@paartycja) on Apr 28, 2016 at 6:53am PDT

Focusing on Yourself Also Means Empathy for Others

Your “sense of self” needs to be defined by more than just you, though. It’s defined by all of those around you, that you choose to be friends with, that you choose to like and dislike. You guide your sense of self through your choices. Those choices either are grounded in your own integrity or they erode your integrity.

…as I’ve begun to deal with more and more young people, I’m noticing a general lack of personal integrity.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t perfect as a boy, either, nor am I perfect as an adult. I made some stupid decisions and not everything I did contributed to or honored my own personal integrity. Overall I feel like I was on the right path, with some guidance from well-intentioned adults. I think there’s something missing with your generation and I want to help correct that with you. That’s part of our journey as dad and son.

Your 'sense of self' needs to be defined by more than just you. It’s defined by all of those around you. Click To Tweet

Integrity and Your Friends

Integrity and your path to good decisions both start with you and your circle of friends. I know that friends are everything growing up, especially as you go into middle school and high school. Your friends define you, they shape you, they reflect who you are and, in many ways, who you will become.

There will always be immaturity witnessed in the immature and I’m not asking you to be something you’re not, nor am I saying you should grow up faster than you’re intended to. But you must realize that how you conduct yourself, even at a young age, is a glimpse into who you will become in 10, 20 or 30 years. If you make poor choices in your friends now, you will set yourself on a path to make poor choices into the future as well.

...encourage drama in your friendships now, you will be dealing with drama for many years to come. #Parenting #Advice Click To Tweet

It’s Not Just About You

When it comes down to it, your friends are your choice and life is really made up of the choices we decide for ourselves. Choosing your friends and deciding to have integrity in those early friendships will set you on a path to being a genuinely good person, a happy person – and that’s all I really want for you.

Society seems to be teaching you that it’s all about you, but that’s not true at all. Yes, you’re beautiful, and important, and smart and interesting. But it’s not all about you, it’s about those around you, too.

A photo posted by F A S H I O N Z I N E ♠️ (@fashionzine) on May 29, 2016 at 7:33am PDT

Building Personal Integrity is Part of Growing Up

Growing up is a learning process, and much of your growth will actually occur through the mistakes you make. But really and truly, your happiness in life is up to you and the decisions you make along the way.

Decide to be happy and you will. Decide to be miserable and you will, too. #Parenting Click To Tweet

It’s time to decide now what type of man you want to become and make decisions that will lead you down the path of becoming that person. If you want to be the type of man that helps people, is true to his word, values friendships and appreciates what he’s been given in life, then the time is now to start becoming that man.

An Instagram Gallery of #Selfie Generation

Note: Some images may be unsuitable for children. This feed pulls directly from Instagram.

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About the Editor

Daniel is a father of two boys, husband to JenB and works in digital marketing for the 2nd largest hospital system in Florida. He's founder of Dadtography.com, a travel & video blogger and avid digital photographer. Be a Dadtographer...

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