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One dad’s take on “what’s the difference between Dad and Father?”

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Thanks for visiting Dadtography.com. The post below about the "Definition of a Dad" was originally written back when I was a single dad with a blog. I spent a lot of time thinking about what it meant to be a co-parent dad and what the difference was between dad and father. I tried to find answers to my questions.

What is a dad?

What is a father?

What is the difference between dad and father?

Some of them didn't have any answers. I suspect you've come seeking the same answers.

I took to Google for answers and was told that "Dad" and "Father" were the same thing. I didn't agree with that definition, so I decided to write my own definition.

dad

/dad/
noun informal
a male parental figure that is present and participating in a child's life
"the child went to the zoo with her dad"
synonym: daddy

Fast-forward now to 2017 and I'm no longer a single dad, but how we define a dad vs. a father resonates with me even more. Sure, we see some dads stepping up to the parenting plate and being present in their childrens' lives, but there are still so many others that just disappear.

What do you think when you read my definition of a dad? What do you perceive to be the difference between dad and father? Which are you or which do you have in your life - a dad or a father?

The words 'dad' and 'father' are very similar on the surface and yet, I think to many people, they hold very different meanings. Father's Day seems to ignite something in a lot of people, as it did with me as well.

What's the difference between the words "dad" and "father"? Can they be used interchangeably? Are they basically the same thing?

I say NO, they are not the same thing and I'll tell you why. Whether you agree or disagree on what I see as the difference between a dad and a father, I'd love it if you would share your thoughts in the comments below.

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First, Google's Definition of Dad

Here's Google's definition of "dad":

Google's Definition of Dad

I disagree, Google. There is a difference between being a dad and a father.

A dad is someone that is there for his children. A dad watches and actively participates in their lives. A dad helps them grow up, raises them, nurtures them, attends dance recitals and baseball games and is present.

I disagree @Google, there is a difference between a dad and a father. Click To Tweet

I disagree @Google, there is a difference between a dad and a father. Click To Tweet

Next, Let's Define Father

A father is something else; a father is more of a biological term than a role or relationship.  A father is a the birds and bees version of a parent. They are a reproductive assistant, if you will. Fathers need only contribute the biological components necessary to produce the child. After that, their role and obligation to the child is over.

A father doesn’t need to be present to have a have a child. They don't need to participate to make their biological contribution. A father doesn’t need to be present to be a father.

Therein lies the difference when attempting to define the difference between a dad and a father. Of course, this distinction is my own and you may or may not agree or buy into my differences.

I know there are single moms out there that understand there's a distinctive difference between the two. They understand the importance of a father being present and being a dad. They see every single day what the differences are between being a dad and being a father mean to their child's life.

father

/'ˈfäT͟Hər/
noun
a reproductive term referring to the male biological parent of a child
"after the birth of his child, the boy became a father"

verb
be the father of
"he fathered three children"

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A dad is someone who is present. A father is more of a biological term than a role or relationship. Click To Tweet

Is there a difference between dad and father?

Yes, there is a difference.

I attempt to make the distinction between a dad and a father so that I can carry those definitions into a discussion on dad’s (vs. a father’s) rights. The U.S., and to an extent, the world, has seen an epidemic of fathers that abandon their families and children, often before the child is even born.

For whatever reason they don’t want to be parents. They choose not to participate in their child’s life. They choose to be selfish over being selfless.  Many (too many) men have taken this path of fathering a child but leaving the ‘dad’ part up to someone else – sometimes mom or sometimes another man that’s not afraid of stepping in to fill that role. In many cases I get that the mother and child truly would be better off without the father in their lives.  That’s a shame, really and it’s no excuse.

There is no excuse.

There is no excuse for fathers that don't step up and also play the role of dad.

Some fathers are setting an unfortunate precedence: absence.

I would argue that the trend in fathers abandoning their children and choosing to not participate compelled the courts in this country to pass laws (or at least have some sort of unwritten preference) that attempted to protect the rights of the child, and to some extent, the mothers that were left to raise the child on their own.

Often, the courts would default to siding with the mother and the father (or dad) was left to prove his worth or value in the child’s life to the court. But what about when a father decides to also be a dad?  What about when a father has to be a dad? When it’s so engrained in his soul that he’s nearly incapable of not being a dad?

It's not just up to dads to be dads. It's up to moms to allow dads to be dads, too. Click To Tweet

Many states make this dad’s outlook on spending time with his child, being involved in his child’s life and actively participating in the child’s life very much an up-hill battle.

"Dads" as Second-Class Parents

I am a dad to two boys, but sometimes, I feel like a second-class parent. I think a lot of involved dads share this feeling with me. Many times I feel like a second-class parent, especially in my oldest son’s life.

It hurts. It hurts a lot, actually.

I feel like, in the eyes of the court and in the eyes of my ex, she’s the parent and I get to ‘borrow’ my son now and then.  I see no reason why dads shouldn’t be afforded the same rights and access to their children as mothers do.  I see no reason why the default sharing shouldn't be 50/50 unless one parent or the other can prove why it should be something less than equal.

I understand that women carry the child, give birth and, more often than the father, raise the child solo.  But how much are the laws (and some individual’s behavior) actually discouraging fathers from participating in their children’s lives?  A father should fight to be a dad tooth and nail but a father also shouldn’t be required to fight so hard.  The chips shouldn’t be quite so stacked against the dad that genuinely wants (or needs) to participate.

How do you distinguish between the definition of dad and the definition of father? Do you have a story you'd like to share? Use the comment form below to share your story.

How do you distinguish between the definition of dad and the definition of father? Do you have a story you'd like to share? Use the comment form below to share your story.

  • Andrew

    I agree with all but one thing I read on this website: my father should not have to be the one to take me to a dance recital as a partner. I am also a male.
    I must say one thing though in addition to this website. When I was 12 1/2-years-old, I had a 56-foot fall that resulted in a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). I was advised to sign my legal guardianship over to my father in 2005 or 2006. I am 36-years-old now. I had surgery June 2014 to try and stop seizures. I cannot drive. Otherwise, I would be a fully functional adult. One thing I can say from personal experience is that fathers need to learn when to let go sometimes.

  • Hi Andrew – appreciate your comment and thanks for sharing your experiences. I’m not sure what is meant by, “father should not have to be the one to take me to a dance recital as a partner.” I don’t remember stating that as a requirement. The point of this piece is that dads are involved, “fathers” is just a biological label, but that, in my mind, there is a difference between being a dad and being a father.. I really wasn’t providing commentary on gender roles or stereotypes.

    -Daniel

  • David

    What legal rights does Father Vs. Daddy. I’m not the biological FATHER but I will always be a DADDY!

  • Miguel

    Hey Daniel , food for thought, in my case, being 16 year old teen with a narrow-minded, redneck, racist, somewhat homphobic, and angry step-father, I hold an opposite view of Father vs. Dad. I have never in my short life called my step father, father. I knew it was a biological label, and he was not my biological father so I stuck to dad. But I believe it is the negativity and lack of communication that has soured that word, now when I say dad, It carries no weight, we do not have the same ideals. He is the man who provides for me and pays our bills, and according to him is the rightful ruler of our home, he is the alpha and we, the rest of our family, are below and never with him. The word dad, meaningless now, a father to me now means the one who gives care, and who gives love, something I strive to have. I am restricted by my parents, who are very overprotective, and, addicted to being in control. I cannot go to a movie with friends, they will want to supervise, but because they work all the time they cannot, and so they deny my wishes, I am not allowed to learn to drive, because it does not pertain to their schedule, they fear I will have too much liberty and run off and be a bum on the streets. I cannot have a relationship with my father because he believes I am ruining it, by not doing exactly as he says, by not submitting to him especially when he is harsh and cruel, and degrades me and my mother. He truly believes, he has yelled the words in my face, that I am fucking up, because he is the adult, he is the one who works, and he is the only one with a choice in any matter, and we must all submit to him. I long for the love of a father, for the bond of a man who took the responsibility to help create me, and have a predestined love for his creation, not a dad, who only came to this family as the last resort, who had nothing and came here to work, and was forced to support us, and now has resentment for his life choices, and who has never raised a child, and does not know how to show compassion or love. I am in emotional, phsycological pain constantly, always angry at this angry, hateful man, always wanting justice, wanting him to learn how to love, wanting to grow our relationship because I refuse to be a coward and run from this family. I strive to have a father, to be patient and pray he will one day show compassion. I refuse to allow myself to fall, I have never fought him, I have never cussed at him or spoke with hate towards him. But even then I know I have only held myself back because of fear. Fear of my own father, who has raised his fist at me, pinned me to a wall, who has threatened to leave this family, who has threatened to beat me bloody over and over again. I want so very badly to turn away, to run away from home and call that one friend at high school who always has a pill I can take, who can give me that easy way out of life, and ruin my life, all because of one stubborn, hateful man that isn’t even aware of the pain he causes. To me dad and father mean different things. But I will never disagree with you on one thing, dad, and father, mean two very different things

  • Dave

    I googled “What is a father” and one of the results led to you. Your discussion about “Second-Class Parent” especially connected with me. I have often said that I feel more like an uncle than a father because my daughter’s mother has often gone out of her way to let others know that is how she views things. Any time I weighed in on a situation with my daughter, she would invariably say that she would have to check with mom first. I am not trying to convey that her mother’s input is not necessary but I am saying that in my daughter’s mind it was whatever mom decided that mattered. This has always made me feel like my opinion was only that, whereas her mother’s opinion was the law of the land. I believe this situation is perpetuated by law and the courts because, as you mention, they do force a father to prove his worthiness while at the same time assuming mother’s are innately worthy. I have often said that I would much rather pay money to her mother so that I could keep my child rather than paying the mother to keep the child from me. Money has little to do with what I want, but raising my daughter has everything to do with what I want. Accordingly, there is no amount of money I wouldn’t be willing to pay if it meant I could be a full time parent to my daughter. Finally, I love how you talked about father’s who NEED to be a dad because they are incapable of not being a dad. I have often heard people compliment me by saying, “You are such a good dad” and my response has always been, “Isn’t that what I am supposed to be?” I don’t think I deserve a pat on the back for doing what a dad is supposed to do, and I sometimes am offended when people tell me I’m a good dad, because it implies in my mind that I am doing something unexpected. After reading your thoughts, I now know that it is because I am incapable of not being a dad.

  • Sasha Potter

    So…I’m a single mom. Her father/dad left us shortly after she was born. She is now 9mo. During this time I have supported my daughter by myself, I have made sure to involve her father/dad by phone calls, pictures, videos and so on. He never made an effort to be apart of her life. Never asked or called. So now I’ve moved closer to him because I believe strongly that a child should have their father/dad in their life. But I have set up ground rules. I want to know where he will be with her and what he’s doing. (I still have to call him to get him to see her) No I don’t need a play by play, just a general idea. I’m being told this is wrong of me. That I’m making it too hard for him to be a dad…is that really so? Is that really too much to ask?

  • Karen

    Im writing a childrens book trying to explain this to my daughter. She is now 2. And she has a daddy and she has a father. And while her biological father tries to be a daddy, my partner is more of a daddy. So I felt it was time to have a story, moms like me, can explain to their kids.
    The only contact she has with her father is a phone call once a week (which he instigates), and it can become very confusing. The father wants to participate, but he lost that right (in my opinion) when he beat me up, and abused drugs. In South Africa, the biological father has equal rights to his kids, whether he wants them or not, whether he pays maintenance or not.

  • Sasha – I’m curious what your reasoning is for your “rules”? If you don’t trust him with her, I get it. If his rights were removed by the courts somehow and he has to earn back privileges, I get that, too. I understand feeling the need to be protective of her; obviously that’s one of our biggest roles as parents. If you feel she’d potentially be placed in danger, I say you’re not being unreasonable with your request, but there should also be a path to your rules not being required once your trust is earned. That’s my $.02. Thanks for leaving your comment!

  • Amy

    My daughter’s “father” chose not to be a part of her life before birth. He “met” her when she came home from the hospital. No attempted contact for the next 15 years. When she was 2, I had the courts relinquish his parental rights based on no attempt to contact and she would soon be adopted by my future husband. Life was great. After 15 years, his wife learned of her existence and now wants to be a part of her life. We talked to me daughter and her DAD & I agreed to let them meet. We thought it went great. Turns out, too good to be true. 1-1/2 years later, her biological father and his wife attempt to be a part of her life when it’s ‘convenient’ for them. They have no idea how hard this is on my daughter. They display themselves on social media as her parents. It hurts my husband, as he’s always been the one there for my daughter. My daughter is 2 months away from 18 years old now. We don’t want to start a conflict with biological dad for her benefit, but not sure how to handle.

  • Gosh Amy, that’s a tough spot to be in. I’m not sure that I have an answer for you on this one. What I can say is that sometimes, two parents’ version of “what is best for the child” differ, legitimately and other times, one (or worse, both) parents don’t truly have the child’s best interest at heart.

    Sure, children are resilient, but we shouldn’t use that as an excuse to mistreat them. The selfishness of some parents just astonishes me sometimes.

    I’m sorry for yours and your daughter’s situation. Don’t hesitate to come back here anytime! We have a few single dads posting as “Dadtographers” on the site!

  • james

    honestly the terms vary in each individual situation and honestly id probly kick your teeth in cause you try and put all people in either group a or b without stating that there are women who play games or use there children as objects to hurt the other parent or that there is a boyfriend around so automatically he becomes how you say dad…. or the fact that a person cannot always be around in life because as adullts we have to work to be able to have the necissities to survive ourselfes. stop being a fuckin part of the problem and show the whole thing …. wait you cant because everyones situation is defferent….

  • Okay, I’ll bite. I’m not quite sure what you mean, though. There are good moms and good dads and there are bad moms and bad fathers. I don’t know if you happen to notice any of the other posts on here, but I know women can be game-players just like men can be. As fathers, it’s not always our choice to also be a dad – I get that. Sometimes it’s the circumstances. Sometimes it’s an uncooperative ex. I’m sure there are a million reasons not to be a dad but I’d argue there are usually just as many reasons to be a dad as well. I’m pretty sure I’m not part of the problem here, but please feel free to start a blog if you feel I’m not representing the dad point of view effectively. I’d gladly read your blog post on the subject.

  • Raylene

    Sometimes the mom has a good reason to not let the child in the fathers life. I was with my kids father for 5 years hes an alcoholic and was abusive (mentally and physically) to me. at times our first daughter was in the room, when he would be in my face screaming or he back handed me in front of her. I found out i was pregnant with our second child after he had been arrested for beating me closed fist one night. He has since gotten out of prison started drinking again. Our daughters 4 and 1 has seen him on holidays and birrhdays under my supervision i don’t trust him to not drink while my kids are around or to not bad mouth me I’ve had to hang up on him when talking to our youngest because he was saying mommy’s crazy to her (he was on speaker phone)
    He claims to be a good dad because he plays with them thats all he does when he sees them.
    I would love to hear your opinion on my situation. Am i in the right or wrong?
    Oh and just a bit more info before you reply he has another daughter (age 10) that he beat her mother as well and when he and i were together we would get her on weekends and would get me into a separate room at times and still abuse me away from her because she would never be allowed back over i had to lie one time about a black eye he gave me

  • Oh, there are absolutely times when a parent is justified in shielding their children from the other parent. It’s unfortunate, but it happens. Actually, no. That sounds like an excuse. It’s more than unfortunate. It’s unacceptable and it needs to stop. Most of the stories like your that I’ve personally heard are the result of the abuser being abused at some point. I’m not saying that’s necessarily the case in your situation, but I definitely don’t blame you for being extremely cautious about your children seeing their father if what you say happened. The fact of the matter is that life is about choices. As men, we can either choose to be like our fathers before us were. Or we can choose to change. Change isn’t easy, but we’re capable of it. I know we are, because I personally have done it.

    Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment, Raylene. Feel free to stop by and say “hi” anytime. I promise I’ll always respond to your comments. – Daniel

  • arandy

    Never jump into the gene pool when the lifeguard is off-duty or go trolling in the shallow end. Moms and Dads make a choice the day the child is born – it is wanted. No one cares if you are married, together or apart, step up to the plate and be present for your children 24/7 from age 0-18. Not one or two days a week, not every other weekend, there is no such thing as quality time 24/7 – live next door if you have to – take local jobs. This is the commitment you made to the child on the day they were born. Children are not banks where you can bank time spent with them to make your own ego feel good. I hear so many parents say I am with them two days a week, and blah, blah blah as if their kids were banks and they were depositing time. Man and Woman up to your kids lives

  • steller james

    Dad and father are the same thing.

  • Desperately hurt

    Hi, I have to say that I agree that there is a definite difference between a dad and a father.
    My husband was involved with someone before I came into his life. She became pregnant, before my husband knew she was pregnant, she had started seeing another man. My husband continued to try to make things work with her, he proposed marriage, she refused, he offered both financial and physical support for the child, all was refused by the mother. When my husband learned that the child had been born, he visited the hospital only to be told by the mother that as far as she was concerned the child had no father. My husband had taken enough and decided to leave. She was, after all seeing another man, he had been hurt enough.
    Later, my husband and I began seeing each other, we married and have 6 children of our own. My husband is a great man, he is a wonderful DAD to our children, but in my opinion he was not given the opportunity to be a DAD to the other woman’s child, not because of choices he made, but because of the choices the mother made.
    Now, this child is a full grown adult and expects to have a relationship with my husband but it has been made very clear that this grown child does not want to include me in the relationship. This is something both my husband and I are strongly against, we are one and we both believe that this grown child needs to realize that I am a large part of my husbands life, she can’t separate one from the other.
    This has been a very hurtful situation and I truly believe that this person cannot expect to have the same kind of relationship with my husband as our own 6 children have with him because she wants nothing to do with me even though she doesn’t know me from Adam.
    Desperately hurt.

  • Thomas O’Shaughnessy

    I need to ask for anyone feedback. I just found out for sure that I have a son a week and a half ago. He is 32 now. I was 75% sure that the child she had was my biological son. But because I didn’t want to mess him up emotionally, I kept silent. I loved his mother and still do and she knows it, but we don’t say it to each other because after all these years she is now married and happy. When we were together I asked her to marry me several times and she kept saying the same thing, “I can’t right now”. She didn’t tell me she was pregnant but she came to me one day and said,”Do you really want to marry me?” Being somewhat of a joker I said,”Let me think about it” in a humorous way. All of a sudden, and she didn’t act mad or anything, she never came over to see me and she had moved out of the place she was staying and I had no way to contact her. About a year and a half later I say a picture in the town newspaper of a baby that was born to her. Since I had no way to contact her I had to go on with my life, but always thinking of her and of the baby. We statred chatting on Facebook a little over 6 years ago and I found that she still thought of me often and we were still friends. I tried saying things, hinting, trying to see if she would tell me about her son. But she said nothing. She has 5 children now but when we talked she only talked to me about her oldest. I wanted to tell him what I suspected but again didn’t want to upset him. I figured if he was going to know, she would know the right time, if ever. Finally I got a message from him on Facebook. She had just told him. I am very very happy to have a son. He wants to meet me and soon we shall meet. I will love him and do. His father or dad that raised him stood behind him in living his dream. And now he is a happy man. I will be at his side anytime he wants me there. Your definition of a father says they don’t choose to be in their childs life and that there is no excuse. If I had known any of this I would have been there, good times or bad. Am I a father or a dad? When we meet, no matter what, I will be there for him.

  • Erika

    By wanting and being there for him now makes you a DAD no matter what! It was not your fault, it was hers, espefor not telling you for what ever reason! I hope you both have a blessed future ahead of you!

  • Erika

    Wow… Definitely her fault and very selfish she needs to leave the pass behind and not bring it to the present time for what ever reason!. You are his wife and he and biological mom needs to understand that. Your husband needs to let him know how in order to have a relationship with him he needs to include his family. He can meet with him first and have a serious conversation and sort things out maybe the mom said something to him or maybe he has a different way of thinking. You never know… So definitely find out why he’s feeling the way he feels. Pray about it first before meeting him. God bless

  • Nmwins

    Our son is 18 now and his father moved away when he was abt. 6 …sure he stays in contact , BY TELEPHONE , and we still disagree with regards to the definition of participation. The father believes that verbal contact is sufficient ! I know that being a dad involves SO MUCH MORE. How can I get through to him. Our son is 18, fatherhood is a lifetime. Being a dad is so much more than a phone call. Is it me ??

  • Is distance an issue? Does the father live far away? Unfortunately, in my experience the more you “try” to tell absent parents they need to be involved the less they listen. Hopefully him being missing from upcoming milestones will help him to realize (on his own) that phone calls just won’t cut it.

  • Is distance an issue? Does the father live far away? Unfortunately, in my experience the more you “try” to tell absent parents they need to be involved the less they listen. Hopefully him being missing from upcoming milestones will help him to realize (on his own) that phone calls just won’t cut it.

  • kayla

    I agree a dad is someone that step up to the plate and takes care of his kids and father is someone that runs away leaving the mom to take care of the children by herself so the mom is play both parts mom & a dad

  • Marie

    Am a mother of a 6 month old baby girl. In the back of my head I know that my ex partner is a father and not a dad. Since I was pregnant he walk out on me and I had to everything on my own. But thankfully I had family support to help me thought my pregnancy. He called when he felt like but he wasn’t of any emotional or physical support. He I had baby he didn’t even ask if we were OK just wanted to know how much the baby weighted 😒. I was so upset but I tried not to let it bothered me much. Because I had just gave birth to the most beautiful baby ever. As time pass he would still call once in awhile and send cash once a month which wasn’t much help but I somehow appreciate it still. I thought he was finally gonna step up and start acting like a dad and try to be there for us emotionally and physically but still nothing change. My mom my sis and myself have being playing both rolls. We spoke recently and he wants him and his family to meet her. But I have my doubts about going. Does that make me a bad person?

  • Kathy

    I have tears reading the definition of father and dad, and the many comments.
    Nearly seven years ago my husband and myself took the parent role of our fourteen year old son’s baby girl. We agreed to adopt her and for her to always be in our sons life.
    Throughout the years we knew that our son was too young to take the responsibility but truly felt that as they grew together that he would grow to be more involved.
    When my son turned 21, I began asking him to take Haylee to the movies, take her to the park, and many other things to get him to be her dad. Many times he would become angry when I would ask him to help out with school clothes ect.
    This past year the tension grew when my husband (Haylees PaPa) decided to walk out of Haylees life too.
    Today, Haylee and I are together with neither my son or Haylees adoptive father wanting to contribute at all to her life.
    Haylee so desperately needs and cries for a daddy in her life.
    She is so very sad and says that no one loves her.
    This very much saddens me

  • That’s a touching story, thank you for sharing, Kathy. I think Haylee is lucky to have you in her life and I hope she finds the strength and knows that she is loved, even without a “dad” present.

  • No, it doesn’t make you a bad person. But I would be careful or at least aware that your “doubts” don’t eventually rub off on your baby girl. She eventually may find herself in a relationship with a man and those doubts you had may come back to haunt her.

  • Moms run away sometimes, too. But I agree with what you mean 🙂

  • Kong

    Hello,
    I was doing a research about the word “dad” and how is it related to “father”. Well , this is a summary of my research. It is quite fascinating.

    Professional linguists have found out that all today’s languages are all related to a single language that they call the “edenic language” for they believe it to be the language of the first man and the first woman (Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden), from whom all humans are from (scientifically proven). Interestingly, there is today a language that most resembles the edenic language out of all the other languages of the world: today’s Hebrew language. From these linguistic studies, a website was created in which you can put a word and find out the edenic meaning of that word and its related words found in other languages. So I typed “dad” and the edenic meaning is apparently “uncle” and “dear or beloved (uncle)” in the cultures where “dad” seems to derive (mostly in Middle East) . Interestingly, it is also used to mean “father” among native Americans and Japanese, but nowhere else. And I checked on “father” and it does mean “father” in all languages of the world.

    In addition, I found out that in the Middle East, “uncle” was used as a common word “lover” as it described not only the fact that some women married their uncles per say but also the fact that the husband is taking the role of the father over the bride while being able to be one in the flesh sexually with the bride: so the husband-lover is now like a father and the closest family member that is like a father is the uncle, especially the brother of the father. In Hebrew, the father’s brother and the word “lover” often translated as “beloved” is the exact same word “dod” which is where our English “dad” comes from.

    How can “dod” or “dad” be used to indicate “father” among the native Americans, Japanese, and English speaking culture then if it really means “uncle” and “lover” as in marriage and sex? Well, I realized the connection. A while ago, I was doing some research on where and who could the lost ten tribes of Israel of the bible be today. The bible gives specific clues about what would become of them all the way to the “last days” of this age we are in. They apparently have been able to keep contact with the Jews in Judea the land in south Israel. But eventually, through centuries, contact apparently got cut. According to the bible, as long as the ten tribes of northern Israel would not go back to the original worship of God as described in the Old Testament, then as a society or group the strong and young men would die by their enemies through fighting, the women would be raped, the children would be taken as slaves or killed, and this would go on until the ten tribes will no longer know that they are indeed the descendants of Israel nor would they know who they really are period except that they would be continually mistreated even to the point of slavery and the cultures around them would try to wipe them out through assimilation-indoctrination or fighting-genocide. It so happens that studies about native Americans point out that they may indeed be descendants of the ten tribes of Israel because they have religious and cultural similarities to the ancient Israelites while having “pagan” names associated to their way of life ; some of their ancient writings actually match ancient Hebrew letters; and as a ethnically group, they have undergone the very curses the bible describes.

    Therefore, and thus is my theory, the native Americans who are part of the remnants of scattered Israel of the ancient ten tribes having lost their men who were their FATHERS were left to learn manhood and to be raised by the leftover family related men ( UNCLES, grandpas, distant men cousins). The many fatherless children and the abandoned children who came from the raping were now without fathers but the men who took on the role of fatherhood were now called UNCLES as many were indeed uncles. Also, in the Israelite custom, when a married woman becomes a widow, she and her children if any are to live with her husband’s brother (whoever is next in line to him), even if he is already married and have children of his own. And the moms were calling them “uncles” to their children because they were indeed uncles. Now, it may be that eventually “uncle” worded as “dod” became associated to be understood as “father” and became “dad”, hence why native Americans ‘s word for father is actually the edenic meaning word for uncle.

    How is this related to our English word “dad” when apparently the English people have not suffered like the native Americans? Well, from various resources, the majority of the English speaking countries are actually descendants of the ten tribes, as their ancestors were lately the Saxons and Vikings, who were descendants of many Saka scynthians , who were documented historically to be the descendants of the ten tribes taken by Assyria as prisoners. The English speaking nations may indeed be the descendants as a majority of the tribe of Manasseh and of Ephraim, the two sons of Jospeh, who were to become nations with riches and wealth of all sorts in the “last days”, but not so for the other tribes of Israel. These two tribes of Jospeh did suffer slavery, genocide, indoctrination-assimilation; but eventually were able to become free from these when they came to accept and follow the New Testament of the bible, which is god’s contract of adoption into becoming children of God through the death and resurrection of Jesus the Christ, who came to free mankind (whoever chooses to follow Christ) from all the curses (not the hardships that come from resisting evil) that are consequences from not following God , for not to follow God is to follow god’s opposite identified as Everything evil and of death whether you know it or not. This is interesting to notice that the most bible followers as nations are U.K. and U.S.A. or at least were in their beginnings of rising as wealthy nations.
    Therefore, our English word “dad” is actually really “uncle” and we should really use the word “father” or “pa” like in the Little House on the Prairie with the Ingalls.

    So in conclusion, a father is more than just a biological male person who contributes his sperm to make a child, he is also someone in charge of giving and nurturing love and wisdom to his children ( I am not talking about sexual love, but pure parental love as a man). A dad on the other hand is really a word to describe a second father (uncle) when the original father is no longer present. Therefore, if your father is indeed still alive, indeed he is not your dad but your father , and this is not to be taken as a negative. And if your father is being the great supportive encouraging protective and loving man he is to be, then he is still not your dad but really is being what a father should be and he is still your father. Then , your dad is supposed to be your uncle or whoever is taking the place of your real father, whether that dad is good or not good. And ultimately, the one who is the best father is actually God according to the bible and Jesus. And this last statement is from my own belief, research, and experience.

    There are reliable informations out there about everything I wrote. And so, this is my theory and I have a tendency to believe my theory is accurate. I may be wrong, but everything so far is pointing me to believe my theory.

  • Kong

    Also, I wanted to add to my big essay comment: therefore, you shouldn’t call your father “dad” but really “father” or “pa”, because your father is not your uncle. But a second “father” can be called “dad” since it means “uncle” as the father’s brother who has the right to take over the father role for you in absence of your real father.

  • Kong

    I would like to make another point about why I think we need to call fathers s “father” and not “dad” because of my own childhood.

    I grew up speaking French in France but knew very little Hmong as my parents are Hmong. Growing up, I always called my father “tsi tso” for I thought that meant “father” and I don’t remember my parents ever correcting me on that. When my 5 siblings came along, all of us kids would call our father “tsi tso” for “father” in Hmong. Then some relatives wanted to know my father’s name when I was 10 and all I could say was that his name was “tsi tso” and they would laugh or wonder what I meant. I realized why later: when I became 12, my father had a family meeting with ll of us kids and said that we were to call him “papa” in French because what we called him was not accurate Hmong nor was it the right word for “father” in Hmong. My parents explained that we were calling our father “uncle tso” and that is why many relatives laughed and wondered why we his children called him “uncle” with our French accent. Our parents thought we would somehow learn that the proper way to call our father in Hmong is simply “tsi” by itself but we never realized that. And since we all had a hard time speaking Hmong properly, our parents wanted us to call our father “papa” in French and our relatives would understand that as well. So if my parents had never told me and my siblings how to call my father the right way, we would have been calling him “uncle” for the rest of our lives and would have taught our children that “tsi tso” is “father” in Hmong and eventually, there could have been whole new generations following this belief within my family. Of course, those who know Hmong would have been laughing so hard at us. Interestingly, this exemplifies how it is important to know your history and ancestral history too as well as the meaning of the words you use.

  • Kong

    I am sorry, I have another thing to share: I have noticed that when people call their “fathers” with the word “father”, they seem to show more respect in terms of their overall attitude toward them than people who use the word “dad”, who in contrast show more of a friendship camaraderie type of relationship and often times ( not all the time nor all relationships) respect is not incorporated within those children. Maybe how we call our father figures does affect our behaviors subtly.

  • Dharmendra khanna

    I do agree that there is alots of different between father & Dad.

  • chad lemert

    He is not being a dad. A dad in my opinion is there regardless. To be a dad is a gift that should be cherished and nurtured. Not simply with a phone call , but with genuine time with a child.

  • Antonio Juan-Fernandez De Coss

    Very interested in everyone’s opinion here. With two boys on the way (twins) I was questioning wether I’d like to be called Father or Dad. The Mother and I were never “actually” together, we were just, you know, a moment. I don’t plan on being with her intimately again, or moving in at that matter. I do however plan on being an active participant in their lives. Considering that Mom and I were never together, never planned on being together, etc, I can imagine that at some point another man will enter the frame. I can just imagine how painful it would be to hear my kids say dad to another man. From my experience, it’s very common for American children to use dad to refer to the male dom in the family, but as a Hispanic I feel the highest respect is Father. Many men in my life were like dads to me, teachers, best friends, etc, and I would joke and say thanks dad when they’d give me advice and such. Father? no one can be called Father if not the actual man. Now, I intend to be in their lives, as an influence, role model, support, mentor, and make sure they get whatever I can possibly give them, as a Father, a good Father. They can have another dad, and as many dads as they want, But they can only have one Father, and that’s me. Father is the highest regard in my eyes. Upholding the title as a good one, in our day and age is something I find truly honorable, and trumps dad, and so dad might get to have them most of the time, but I get Father’s Day.

  • Very interesting take on the dad vs father question. I’d also like to know everyone’s thoughts – especially from a cultural perspective. Thank you for leaving a comment, Antonio.

  • Brittany

    I’d like to say thank you for this. My son is 10 and his father has never been in his life. recently his father

    has been sentenced to a nice long stay in prison and has apparently found god and in interest in his son. I was just replying to a letter from him and felt the need to define the difference between a father and a dad for him… so i stole your definition but i would like to share the letter.

    Joseph,

    I’ve been thinking about what I want to say to you for quite a long time. To tell you
    the truth I’m not sure of a nice way to put any of this. About eleven years ago
    I was a very different person. But life has changed me…. You changed me. You taught
    me to not trust anyone. That no matter how much good you believe someone is
    capable of, they are always just as capable of being a despicable human being. After
    you, my view on the world was and still is to this day very different. I don’t see
    any of it as a good time…just a giant mistake made by a very naive 19 year old
    girl. I never deserved any of it. But thank you for at least giving me a
    purpose. You gave me my son.

    My son will be 10 this month and he’s never really asked about you. As of right now the only thing he knows is he does have a father but he’s in prison. Elijah does not care to know anything
    else about you. He has never asked. But when the time comes I will not lie. He’s
    a good boy who deserves nothing but the best. I have allowed only the best. And
    have worked my hardest to make sure he gets everything he deserves. You
    however, are not in the position to be a good anything to him… never mind the
    best. He does not need you. You have given him nothing but DNA. You have no idea how sad that makes me. But it’s very true.

    Elijah does have a father figure though. His name is Jason. He helps Elijah with his
    homework and makes sure he’s fed and never without. Jason is his emergency
    contact under father for school. He will most likely be the only Dad he ever
    knows. And I’m very ok with that. He cares, and has always treated Elijah like
    his own.

    You don’t get to just get clean and think that you will have anything to do with my
    child. You need to just get that through your head. I will not send you a
    picture of Elijah…you don’t deserve him in any way. I feel as if the only
    reason why you are clean is because you don’t really have a choice. You’ve made
    a life time of shitty choices now you get to live with the consequences. I couldn’t care less if you found god or whatever you decided was going to be your vice for the time that you’ll be serving.

    With all that said… I would appreciate it if you would not write. If they continue I will
    put a stop to them myself.

    Thanks but no thank you,

    A dad is someone that is there for his children. A dad watches and
    actively participates in their lives. A dad helps them grow up, raises them,
    nurtures them, attends dance recitals and baseball games and is present.

    A father is something else; a father is more of a biological term than a
    role or relationship. A father is the
    birds and bees version of a parent. They are a reproductive assistant, if you
    will. Fathers need only contribute the biological components necessary to
    produce the child. After that, their role and obligation to the child is over.

  • EllieSunshine

    I agree and not agree with you. I think that one’s “dad” can be also one’s “father” by your definition – he can be present in your life, take care of you (when he pleases) but doesn’t come to your recitals and baseball games and isn’t a good dad. I don’t think that someone who always critize you, someone that will never admit that he’s wrong and is angry with you all the time should be called “dad”. He maybe loves you, but it doen’t matter if he never shows it or says it. Because the only thing a little girl/boy wants in her/his life is for her/his dad to be proud of her/him and her/his accomplisments. And the person called “dad” shouldn’t let her/him doubt herself/himself. He should incourage his child no matter what. He should let her/him know that he supports her/him. Because how your “dad” threats you can reflect on your life in the future. You can hate or dislike your dad for how miserable he lets you feel beacuse of him and you can never really believe him or other people that remind you of him. You can have abandonment issues even thought he has never left you. And there can be also present selfdoubt.
    So, I think that another definition of a “father” should be the person who is around, when you are growing up, but he never seems to be interest in you and always critisise your every aspect and decision and even thought he has a role of dad he never fully accomplieshes it. He (maybe) loves you in his head but he never acts like it and he makes you feel like you are never enough for him.

    That’s just my opinion. I think there is so many different “species” of dads and fathers. And I don’t think we should put all of the beans in the same pot.

    (P.S. Sorry for my bad English)

  • Anastacia

    I agree with you on your definition of a Dad vs a Father… I have a Father who claims to be a Dad for me and my brothers, but he just showed up in our lives a few years ago and really hasn’t done anything but expect us to have a relationship with him. He just came and expected to be treated as our Dad as if he raised us and gained our respect. He has our whole family convinced, but he has never held me when I cried and he doesn’t even care that I stopped visiting him every other weekend. I may not know exactly what a real Dad does but I know what one doesn’t do.

  • Steven Leonard Brunk

    I agree and have said many times Father’s Day needs to be renamed to Dad’s Day. The same also goes with Mother’s Day and Mom’s Day. I have no known biological children, but I have 3 that I have raised and adopted at early ages. Luckily for me, the father, has never been in the picture. I hope it is also lucky for them as I have always been Dad.

  • sexydivagem

    Brilliantly put. I’ve a 6 year old son and 21 month old daughter and their father does nothing to earn that title Dad. Infact its 13.05pm Saturday and I’ve been up since 5.30am and sorted both children out and done the housework and lunches and where is he In bed still. He’s never got upto them in night, never been to my sons sports day, never looked after them when their I’ll. He doesn’t work so cannot use that as excuse. I had an operation and did he step up to look after them? No he didn’t! There’s so many great dad’s out there who don’t get enough recognition for being a DAD and my kids deserve to know what a dad is rather then the father they’ve got that calls himself dad. I wholly agree that dad and father don’t mean the same and hats off to you awesome dad’s!

  • Jayra Acevedo

    I have a 10 months old baby boy and just recently his father found someone else. Everything went by so quickly that i was not emotionally stabled but thanks to my family and friends I have been able to get through this. I know the choices I make will come to affect my kid and that’s why I was looking for a definition for dad and found this article. It’s very interesting reading the comments as well. Is it bad not letting his father see him when he rarely even checks up on him with a simple message or to check if he needs anything? Am i the bad person?

  • Denise

    Thank you . I am a 58 year woman who has wrestled with this my whole life. Many think it’s just a matter of words… but it isn’t. My Father was 40 when I was born. He was a distinguished WWII Vet who married at 29 and had told my mother he didn’t believe in the emotion of love. I have two older brothers one 7 years and one 4 years older . They have their own issues. For me.. I never felt comfortable calling my Father ‘Dad’. He at one point felt I should call him Papa as he felt that because I was born after he was 40 that would be appropriate.. but even that felt too endearing for the relationship that we had. It’s not that I didn’t want to, or didn’t try.. but it just was unnatural. He was a controlling, manipulating, OCD man who only got worse with age.

    He has been gone since 2001, passed of Alzheimer’s. In so many ways it was a relief. Every year it was a chore to find a card for each occasion that would say something, but not too much. Never using the word Dad. Being a Christian I came to terms with the fact that I needed to respect and honor the ‘position’ he held in my life as in ‘honor your Father and Mother’ but that didn’t mean I had to condone the emotional abuse and lack of Fatherly love and support that he was just incapable of giving.

    I was thrilled when my Mom after 6 years of being alone a Christian man ‘courted’ her and they married and have had an amazing 10 years together and are still going strong at 93 and 90. They laugh and pray together and even though he still has his ‘quirks’ as we all do, he still has more of a caring and loving attitude than my Father did.

    Thankfully my husband is a total opposite. He has been an incredible Dad to not only our kids but their friends and any other one that needs a Dad influence. I am greatful.

  • Thank you for sharing your thoughts and story, Denise. I’m also glad that you see the difference between being a (real) dad and fathering a child. There definitely is a difference!

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