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Fatherhood and Full-Circle Gratitude

November 30, 2015 By Ryan Litwiller

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Life moves in cycles.

A common theme of my life and something that has always deeply resonated with me.

Growing up in Michigan, I remember how it easy it was to relate with people who talked of moving to places that don’t require dealing with the harsh winter that the north can dish out.

However, in my age I’ve to come to respect and cherish what the cycle of seasons bring. I can see all the outward expressions of change and find that same symbolism inwardly.

The letting go of fall, death of winter, rebirth of spring, and prosperity of summer. With so many cycles, some yearly others monthly, daily, weekly, they all share that same common theme: release and rebirth.

It’s only on rare occasions that I don’t have my two boys. Thanksgiving this year is one, and their absence during a season of gratitude has made me especially aware of that cycle.

I’m very grateful for this time.

I am grateful to see pictures of them when they are not with me, as it often reminds me of a rough day with them. Those days, I could initially point to the boys and say they are wound up, but if I take a closer look at my actions, it usually comes down to me not being very present with them.

It never fails: even if I’m unable to recognize it in the moment, once all things are quiet and the boys are sound asleep, I gaze upon them and it becomes evident to me.

I get a small glimpse into just how precious life is.

Thankfully I have come to a place where I do not need to be a martyr to be a good father.

It’s ok for me to have other goals in my life that take time that coincides with caring for my boys. For me it’s important to find some balance.

In these moments alone I’m able to find more clarity. I reflect, I cry, I heal and forgive myself. A piece of what once was dies and it hurts, but clears room for the new. A chance to connect just a little more than I was previously capable of. A new chance to be just a little better father. I don’t regret the father I was, but love the father I am becoming; like the concept of a triangle, the larger the base the higher the peak.

In such a fast-paced world it’s so important for me to find time to widen my base, to condition my mind and spirit in the same way I care for my body. It becomes more obvious to me in the seldom absence of my kids, but what also becomes apparent is that I don’t need them gone to find this.

There are many moments during the day that I can dedicate to myself, it just takes practice. Today I am grateful for the moments that give me the opportunity to step back and find clarity.

When I see my boys again, this cycle will have come full circle, and I am thankful for the amazing mirror they provide.

About Ryan Litwiller

Being a single dad raising two rug rats alone is a tough job. There has to be a community for a single father out there, right? I want to be a part of that community. I love providing my kids with experiences and I do really have a passion to share my self expression through videos, writing, etc. Now I have the opportunity to do just that.

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About the Editor

Daniel is a father of two boys, husband to JenB and works in digital marketing for the 2nd largest hospital system in Florida. He's founder of Dadtography.com, a travel & video blogger and avid digital photographer. Be a Dadtographer...

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