Pavlov’s Husband Theory states that men are creatures with feelings, too.
No, men are not all dogs. That’s not my theory. But this marriage thing… it can be tough sometimes, right? No one ever said being in a relationship was going to be easy, granted, it should be more easy than difficult or we’re likely doing something wrong.
So, I came up with this theory that I like to call “Pavlov’s Husband Theory“. It’s pretty simple: the premise is that understanding the male mind in relationships really isn’t that complex after all. We (results may vary) operate on a few core principles and once you know what those principles are, we’re a pretty predictable gender (for the most part).
Pavlov’s Husband Theory – Key Principles:
We men are creatures of habit. Most of us aren’t overly-complex or emotional, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have emotions; we just don’t wear them on our sleeves. Once you know how we operate, though, it’s not difficult to predict how we’ll respond in certain situations. Below are a few of the core principles of my theory:
- Men are creatures with feelings, even if they’re not always outwardly-apparent.
- Men typically respond to positive or negative feedback (stimulus) in a situationally-appropriate manner.
- Men can be easily motivated or de-motivated through positive or negative feedback.
- Direct questions often elicit direct responses from men. We’re not always good at “reading between the lines”.
Pavlov’s Husband Theory can be used to answer some very common relationship questions. You may have found yourself asking the following questions of your husband or significant other at some point:
- Why don’t you initiate sexy times with me any more (or not as much)?
- Why don’t you help me around the house more?
- Why don’t I ever get any alone time (especially if you do)?
All of these questions have answers, and I’d like to apply some of my Theory (Pavlov’s Husband) to the answers of the above questions. First, let’s talk about sex (baby).
The Male Mind & Sex
Studies show that men think about sex something like a millions times a day. Yeah, well that goes down as we get older. We become preoccupied with things like work, children, family issues, the home owner’s association and other such nonsense.
Pavlov’s Husband Theory states that men are creatures with feelings, too. We like to be “desired” just like women. Initiating sex can be a tricky situation in a lot of long-term relationships. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut or to be bound to gender stereotypes. If you’re more of the traditional mindset, you may feel that it’s always the job of the man to start things up.
Absolutes like “always” and “never” really don’t have much place in a relationship, do they? I think relationships are about balance. Maybe he’s outgoing and she’s more reserved. Maybe he’s crazy and she’s level-headed, so you balance each other out.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, if your love life is on the downward trend, why not take the initiative to make things better? After all, it’s not always his job or her job to initiate and guys like
The Male Mind & Division of Labor
This may be a “me” thing, but I really like lists. I like long-term lists and short-term lists. Lists help me stay organized, stay on task and help me feel a sense of accomplishment.
Lists can also be a great way to delegate responsibility or to ask for assistance. If, as a couple or family, you have 20 things that need to get done this weekend, why not make a list and split the responsibility? Assigning work to your guy may not be well-received, but for some (like myself) it’s perfectly acceptable to ask me to help out. Don’t think you should have to ask for help? Well, it seems to me that is a better way to go than complaining about it or being passive-aggressive. Your guy should want to help, and if he doesn’t then you need more help in your relationship than this article can provide. 🙂
The Male Mind & Subtle Hints
Mommies are among the hardest working people I know. The mommy in my house sure is and she deserves a break every once in a while. But with the hectic nature of everyday life, it’s easy for things to slip through the cracks. Don’t be afraid to take some “me” time every now and then and don’t be afraid to ask for it. Just remember to let him have some “him” time and try to work in some together time as well.