Part III in the Dating Game series of dating stories I like to call, “Hello, Goodbye.” I’d really be a little afraid and somewhat ashamed to try and think back and count all the failed first dates I’ve been on since my divorce. They’d easily number into the dozens if not hundreds. This is one classic tale of the first date dating game. We meet, we greet, we have a great time (or so I thought) and then…well, you’ll have to read on to find that out.
Also, just another friendly reminder that this blog series is inspired by a post from your favorite single gal blogger and mine, SingleGirlBlogging (@singlegirlie on Twitter). Check her out when you get a chance; lots of great stories over there, for sure.
“Hello, Goodbye” – Tales of the Dating Revolving Door
Fear Factor: 1
What-the-hell-just-happened? Factor: 5
Good Riddance Factor: 9
Crazy Factor: 4
The Date Setup
I recently decided to join one of the more ‘serious’ online dating sites. You know, one of those sites that pairs you with matches based on your chemistry instead of just the typical meat-market that many sites have become? In theory this is a great idea. In practice? Well, we’ll discuss that more in the chapters on online dating. I was not having the best of luck on this particular site. It seemed like the vast majority of my matches were not active subscribers, therefore I am pretty sure they had no idea I even existed. They weren’t able to view my profile, see my pictures or any of the ‘communication stages’ I was trying to engage them with. I met one other person from this particular site in the nearly two months my subscription had been active – I signed up for a 3-month stint. The first date was pretty average, at best, which in many dating circumstances is actually pretty good! I, however, was going for better than average so there was no second date. Well into my second month I met ‘Lilly’. By this time I had fully expected my ‘potential matches’ would never respond for one reason or another. It was my opinion the ‘serious’ sites were still glorified meat markets. Lilly surprised me when she did respond. Hallelujah, a paying member! And she was quite striking, I must say and on paper she was quite a catch. Thirty-four, never married and no children, an established career woman with blondish-brown hair, hazel eyes, 5’7” with a ‘curvy’ figure. I genuinely found her to be attractive (even in person) and, for once, I was stoked!
The Date Plan
We emailed a few times using the site’s email feature. Her first email during ‘open communication’ felt a little more like a job interview than a dating site email. She had three very pointed questions about my future prospects of having a family (children), my view on intimacy in a relationship and my desire to spend time with someone I was in a relationship. Honestly, I was blinded by her beauty. Had it been anyone else I likely would have raised some red flags before even saying ‘hi’. So, I answered her questions as best I could and tried to keep the mood fairly light. It worked! She bit! We spoke on the phone soon after exchanging a few Emails and the phone chemistry was pretty good. I did notice another potential red flag, but again, brushed it off because of my rosy-colored glasses. It’s difficult for me to describe this red flag. It comes after years of dating experience. The best way I can describe it is that her voice was very ‘cold’. She had the voice of a woman with a tough outer shell, but that’s probably to be expected on the first conversation, right?
All was going very well. We agreed to meet on the same day as our phone conversation. Again, rushing into meeting is typically not my path to success but the rosiness was still prevailing. And when you think about it, if the chemistry is there why not just run with it? We met half-way (she lived a good hour away) at a bar/restaurant in a quiet historic district of a costal town. I could sense my excitement was showing in my eyes, but I couldn’t help it. Why try? Enthusiasm shouldn’t be considered a bad thing, in my opinion. We met outside and walked in together. We had a few glasses of wine and nearly four hours of conversation while a local bad serenaded us from the other side of the bar. What…what’s that? Is that sparks? I certainly thought so
The Date Aftermath
The night was winding down around midnight so we made our way outside and to our cars. I’ve been accused in the past of being difficult to read and I didn’t want Lilly to have that same feeling so I was forthcoming about wanting to see her again. Now, I realize I’m getting older and my memory is sketchy but she said that she’d “definitely” like to see me again, too. We made tentative plans for the following Saturday and made our respective drives back home.
The following day, we exchanged cordial “had a great time, hope your week goes well” messages, but in reality I couldn’t wait to see her again. Wednesday came and I called her and left a voice mail asking about our tentative plans for the upcoming weekend. I never did hear back from her; not a peep.
A week or so passed and I logged on to the site again (out of boredom, mostly) and noticed a change in her profile. We were still ‘matched’ at this point. She had changed some of her matching criteria – specifically her height requirement for potential suitors. She was now seeking beaus 3″ taller than she was before. Huh…well lookie there. I guess she learned something from this dating experience as well.
Lessons of the Day
- Don’t take what people say on dates or online at face value.
- Everyone has his or her own personal taste and you’re best to understand and accept that. I don’t fault her for wanting someone two inches taller than me. That’s her personal preference. As a nearly thirty-five year old woman, she probably could have gone about informing me of her change of heart a little differently, though. I thought her disappearing act was a little childish.
- Don’t tell friends/co-workers/family about dates prematurely. Major egg-on-face syndrome will undoubtedly ensue.