“Jess” was one of the many women I would come to meet during my dating experiences that fell into the category of ‘Perfect on Paper’. The problem with each and every one of these PoP dates so far was that I just wasn’t that into them. They all had a lot going for them and I just wasn’t feeling it. Some would take longer than others for me to figure this out, but I did figure it out with all of them in the end. Jess was a little different because I genuinely felt bad about how our dating relationship ended. I wasn’t proud of what I had done, but I did learn a valuable lesson – one that I vowed to never repeat again.
“Hot to Trot” – Tales of the Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am
Fear Factor: 2
What-the-hell-just-happened? Factor: 2
Good Riddance Factor: 3
Crazy Factor: 5
The Date Setup
Jess was the one of the very (very) few people I ever met from a posting I made on Craig’s List. Ugh…I know. Craig’s List. It makes me cringe at the thought of even mentioning it. I’m almost embarrassed. Of course, when I posted my ad on CL, it was at least somewhat viable as a means of finding love. Today it seems that Craig’s List isn’t worth the bandwidth it’s served up on for the purpose of finding love (or anything other than a casual encounter or a friggin’ couch). I wanted to try every possible angle I could, so I gave it a shot. The vast majority of the replies I received were from women that I had absolutely no interest in meeting, let alone dating. I even received a few replies from men (yes, men) that were hoping I’d be “open minded” enough to give them a try. After all, when you close your eyes you can’t tell the difference as they explained. Yeah, I puked in my mouth a little as well. Jess was the first real quality woman that replied to my ad, and after the previous replies I received, she was angelic in comparison. She was a single mom, had a great career and lived fairly close to me. What more could one want? We emailed a bit and then decided to meet up for coffee.
The Date Plan
The coffee date went well – well enough to warrant a second date, but nothing that blew me away. I wasn’t looking or expecting to be blown away on the first date. I know that sometimes people take a while to warm up. Nerves are involved, people can be shy and first dates certainly have their intimidation factor. I tried to take all of this into account. We talked fairly frequently – as often as our busy schedules would allow and ended up going out a few times. Again, the theme of the dates thus far was simply blah. I SHOULD like this girl. Why wasn’t I into her? I just couldn’t put my finger on it.Our date was coming to its conclusion and I know I was putting out somewhat of a ‘disconnected’ vibe. I couldn’t help it, honestly. We were saying our goodbyes at the door and there was this stagnant awkwardness in the air that I had never felt before. Clearly, I didn’t want to see her again and I should have been honest about it. We said our goodbyes and that was that.
The Date Aftermath
A few minutes later my doorbell rang. She must have forgotten something. But she wasn’t in my house very long. What could it have been? I opened the door and she had this look on her face – like a jungle large cat eyeing its next meal. The following conversation ensued…
Jess: “It seemed like such a shame to let my good panties go to waste. Mind if I come back in?”
Me: “Ummm. What? Really? Okay.”
I was dumbfounded. Literally. I stood there with a deer-in-the-headlights look on my face and I felt all the blood rush out of my head (and into my other). I didn’t turn her down but I should have. Don’t judge too harshly; I’m not entirely convinced she wasn’t interested in a simple romp as well. I did’t ask and she didn’t say. I knew I didn’t want a relationship with her, but she was literally at my door offering herself up to me. Take note, ladies – if you offer sex to a man he’s not likely going to turn you down. Men are weak. I gave in.
Needless to say the experience was less than fulfilling and, given the opportunity I’d do things much differently if I had another go-round. The sex was good but not fantastic. I think to have really fantastic sex I need to have some sort of connection with the person I’m with. You just can’t establish that sort of connection in three dates. She left and we never really spoke again after that. I did see her at the gym once quite a few months afterward. We both saw each other and turned a Casper the Friendly Ghost white color. Perhaps we’re both ashamed of what happened? I felt awful and vowed I would never be in that situation again. I’m happy to say that I’ve kept that promise to myself.
Lessons of the Day
There are two in this case…
- Men will sleep with you even when they know they’re really not interested in anything else.
- Patience is a virtue when dating. Rushing into things (especially the ‘big’ steps) will almost always lead to failure. Don’t rush yourself or others. You can’t just hit a rewind button and go back once you take those steps. You may be sabotaging a relationship that has real potential.