…that is the question.
Should I Reply to Online Dating Emails?
Ah, the age old question of, “Should I reply to random dating site Emails if not interested?” has been around…well, since online dating has been around, I’d imagine. I recently read a blog from another younger (23) guy that was cursing up a storm in frustration about not receiving any replies from the Emails he was sending. I think I know why they weren’t responding to his advances. His blog referred to them as “stupid bitches” (among other things) a few times, if that’s any indication.
As men, we really have no clue what it s like to date online as a single woman and we really don t understand why our digital solicitations are not garnering the interest we expected them to. The above example was an extreme illustration of this lack of understanding, I admit, but to an extent most men are perplexed about online dating Emailing to some degree.
I Emailed and…Nothing!
Yes, the above illustration was a no-brainer. But what about the Emails that really are genuinely nice but you’re just not feelin’ it for whatever reason? Everyone seems to have a different opinion on this. Single women I’ve polled in the past tell me that the reasons not to reply when not interested far outnumber the reasons to reply. Let s cover a few reasons women don t reply to our Emails.
Misinterpreting a Reply as Interest
Women may not choose to reply to an online dating Email because the guy may misinterpret a “thanks-but-no-thanks” reply as interest. Even if the Email clearly states they are replying simply out of courtesy some guys may misinterpret this as an in and continue to try to pursue despite the clear signal not to. Guys do tend to have fragile egos. That’s how stalkers are made, after all.
The sheer volume of Emails women receive can contribute to the decision of skipping the reply to those that don t spark interest as well. It s not uncommon for a single woman to receive dozens (or more) Emails a week from their online dating profile(s). Replying to those they are interested becomes a time consuming enough task without having to worry about those they aren t interested in pursuing.
Online dating Emails can range from very well thought out works of art to robotic copy-pasta spam that gets sent to hundreds of people without much thought or effort involved. As a guy, if you don t take the time to read her profile and show a genuine interest in her then you re not going to hear from her. Hey ma, wassup? won t cut it for most women so you may as well save your time and hers and either not Email her or write something worth reading.
Not a Good Match
Let s face it guys, we often think we ve got it going on but not everyone is going to (or has to, for that matter) agree with us. If they only take the time to get to know us Yeah, yeah. Suck it up, Sally. If she s not into you, she s not into you. She thinks you re not a good match and guess what? It doesn t really matter what you think. Pursuing matches online is far different than pursuing that girl from Accounting that you ve been trying to get to notice you for the past three years. In person it may be at least somewhat endearing. Online, it s just creepy.
One Rule: No Rules
There are no rules in dating. There s no such thing as Santa Claus either. I m sorry to have to burst those bubbles for you. We only have the ability to control our own behavior in online dating we can t hope to control others . Any rules you set or subscribe to have to be your rules and not those you expect anyone else to follow. I have always tried to reply if the Email is thoughtful, polite and (most importantly) genuine. Your best hope is to communicate openly, clearly and honestly, attempt to set expectations early on and pray everyone else does the same.